she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
