Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
