Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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