Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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