..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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