We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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