So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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