Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
