Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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