I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
