her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
