i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
