Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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