Im at strip club and am horny
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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