Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
