all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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