I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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