I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
