I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
