YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
