I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
