Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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