I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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