The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Panties = found
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
