You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
