and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
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Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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