Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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