apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
