don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
