What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
