Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I could make wine with my vomit
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
