Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
