I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
