Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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