He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
