My friends, they love my intelligence
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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