You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
