508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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