Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
