? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
