I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
last night I used snow as a chaser
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