Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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