This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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