you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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