so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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