He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
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You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
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Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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