I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
