I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
