I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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