none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
