did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
