I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
