Sry I called you an 8
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
