Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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