did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
