They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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