I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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