He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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