Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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