just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.