...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
there's paper in my vomit.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
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just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
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It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits