My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
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You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?