Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.