Porn is love you can see.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
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I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.