Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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