guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
