i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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